Hopelessness is Increasing. 3 Strategies to Help!
The Personal is Political: Mental Health in a Broken System
IMANI is right—the personal is political, and the political is personal. It's driving people toward feelings of hopelessness, to the point where some feel the only way out is to stop living altogether. We need to talk about that—so consider this your trigger warning.
For those who don’t know me, I’m Dr. Donna Oriowo, a sex and relationship therapist in the Washington, D.C. metro area. This conversation is becoming more urgent within the mental health field, because we’re seeing a sharp rise in people coming to therapy with comorbidity—meaning they’re struggling with more than one diagnosis.
Why? Because life be life-ing.
People are coming in with anxiety that’s tangled up with depression. And this time of year doesn’t help—many folks also deal with seasonal affective disorder because the sun isn’t sunning like it does in the summer. But that’s not the only issue.
We are being priced out of life.
You can’t afford healthy groceries, so how are you supposed to eat well? You can’t afford kids, a home, or even the student loans for the education you already got. Bills keep coming, but your paycheck stays the same. Meanwhile, you’re watching other people live their best lives—sometimes while the very politicians in charge tell you that you are the problem.
They say you don’t work hard enough. That you’re “quiet quitting.” And at some point, you start feeling like… damn, maybe there really is nothing I can do.
We Are in a Mental Health Pandemic
This isn’t new. We have been in a mental health crisis for a long time—it’s just been ignored. But I don’t want to sit in hopelessness. I want to talk about what we can do.
Here are three strategies I share with my clients to help them manage life and the way it be life-ing:
1. Stop Trying to Do Everything Alone
Find your tribe, your people, your community. Now is not the time to cling to the myth of “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” (spoiler: those bootstraps don’t exist). You will feel mentally, emotionally, and socially stronger when you have a support system around you.
2. Do What You Can Do
We spend a lot of time on social media and watching TV, which tricks us into thinking we should be living like people who, frankly, are not us. Focus on what is within your control.
For me, that means preemptive self-care:
Did you brush your teeth today?
Did you wash your ass?
Did you call a friend?
Those are all self-care.
For me, self-care also looks like reading books (five down already this year), planning outings with friends (because having something to look forward to matters), and taking care of my plants (I’m out here trying to grow tomatoes).
Find the small things that help you feel good, and let go of what’s out of your control.
3. You Can’t Strategize People Out of Mental Health Concerns
Let me say this loud for the advocates in the back:
The system is broken—people are not.
Too often, we act like the issue is with individuals when the reality is that the system is failing us. Instead of blaming people for their struggles, we need to focus on changing the system.
So if you’re an advocate, here’s what you can do:
Use your platform. Use your voice. Even if that just means talking to a few friends—those conversations spread.
Use the Five Calls app. It gives you scripts to contact your representatives about the issues that matter to you. No need to overthink it—just read the script and make the call.
Keep learning and educating others. The more we understand, the more we can push for real change.
Rest is Revolutionary
Above all, remember this: pleasure is revolutionary. Rest is revolutionary. And Black and Brown bodies deserve both.
Do what you can, and let the rest handle itself. Sometimes, what’s in your power is simply to rest.
Let’s talk—drop your thoughts in the comments. This message is especially for Black and Brown folks, because our experience with the system is different. But remember: discourse, not disrespect.
