Age Gaps in Friendships
The Friendship Age Gap: Who Benefits from Keeping Us Apart?
Hey, friend. Do me a favor—take a moment and think about your circle. Think about your best friend. Now, consider their age compared to yours. Do you have friends who are five or more years older or younger than you? If so, what does that dynamic look like? And if not, have you ever wondered why?
This conversation came up recently in one of our meetings at In My Black Feelings, and while we started off talking about age gaps in dating, it naturally led us to thinking about friendships across generations. What kind of age gap feels acceptable in friendships? And how do we cultivate meaningful connections with people significantly older or younger than us?
What we found was interesting. Many of us have older friends—maybe a mentor, a wise auntie figure, or just someone we connect with who’s been around a little longer. And while we might have a few younger friends, they tend to be the minority. But here’s the thing—friendships with people of different generations bring something valuable. They expand our perspective, expose us to different ways of thinking, and honestly, they can help loosen the grip of loneliness that so many people quietly battle.
But here’s where it gets deeper. Our society does a really good job of keeping us separate—not just by race, gender, or class, but by age, too. And we have to ask ourselves: Why? Who benefits from us not connecting across generations?
Think about it. The more disconnected we are, the easier it is to control our narratives, to prevent the passing down of wisdom, and to make sure each generation has to start from scratch instead of building on the knowledge and experiences of those who came before them. Capitalism thrives on isolation—it keeps us consuming instead of cultivating community.
And yet, in spaces where community is vital—Black communities, LGBTQIA+ spaces, affinity groups—you’ll often see a wide range of ages coming together. These are the spaces where storytelling, mentorship, and intergenerational support flourish. So if these spaces prove that age diversity strengthens community, why is the broader society pushing us away from that?
I just want you to sit with that for a minute. Look at your friendships, the gaps that exist (or don’t), and consider who benefits from those gaps. And then, if you’re feeling it, hit me in the comments. Let’s talk about it. What’s the biggest age gap in your friendships? And if you don’t have any intergenerational friendships, why do you think that is?
Remember: discourse, not disrespect. Let’s get into it.
