Authenticity Come with Consequences
Baby, let’s talk about the consequences of authenticity—because I want you to understand that being real, being you, comes at a cost. And I’m never going to tell you not to be authentic. Hell, I just said in another video that not being authentic is killing you.
But here’s the other piece…
If you are dark-skinned, if you are fat, if you are a woman, if you are a person of color, and someone in a perceived position of power—be it race, gender, class, or otherwise—sees you fully standing in yourself, loving yourself, feeling yourself… baby, there will be consequences.
People in Power Don’t Like to Lose It
When people realize that they don’t hold as much power as they thought they did, they try to reassert control—often through violence.
We see it all the time.
When Black people decide to do Black people things, what happens? White folks step in, insert themselves where they don’t belong, and try to control or harm us.
When women—especially Black women—decide they will want, choose, and leave as they please, what happens? Men, unable to control them, lash out.
When fat people or dark-skinned people show up loudly, boldly, and unapologetically, what happens? Society tries to silence them, diminish them, and punish them for taking up space.
There is a cost to being seen.
And I don’t say this to scare you—I say it so you can be aware.
Choosing When to Dial It Up or Down
Now, some of us show up fully, no matter where we are, no matter who’s watching. And some of us recognize that survival sometimes means turning the dial down just enough to make it home safely.
Neither choice is wrong.
Let me be real with you—I’ve had to make that choice myself.
I teach about DEI, sexuality, and race—topics that already make people uncomfortable. One time, I was invited to speak at a conference hosted by white folks. They didn’t like what I had to say, and suddenly, the energy shifted. So, when I was later invited to teach in Utah (a state whiter than a fresh snowfall), I had to think:
How do I show up?
How do I make sure I’m safe?
How do I balance authenticity with self-preservation?
And baby, sometimes you do turn the authenticity meter down a notch—not because you’re weak, but because survival is strategic.
But then, there are other times when you go full throttle.
Like another time, I spoke at a conference and addressed the violence of white women—and by the time I was done? You could hear a mouse piss on cotton.
Some faces were tight. Some folks were mad. But I had to let them know:
"If you’re upset, take that energy to the door. Don’t bring it over here, because I fight."
And I could say that boldly in that space because I was surrounded by my people—the ones who had my back, the ones who loved and supported me.
Who Are You Protecting—You or Their Comfort?
Here’s the thing: The world has spent too much time making sure people in power stay comfortable—at our expense.
We shrink ourselves. We soften our voices. We downplay our brilliance.
And for what?
To make someone else feel okay with our existence?
Baby, no.
At some point, you have to ask yourself:
Am I willing to live a life that is less than what I deserve just to make others comfortable?
Or am I willing to risk something—to shake things up—so that I can show up fully as myself?
Because here’s what they don’t tell you:
🔹 Constantly hiding who you are doesn’t just keep you physically “safe.” It messes with your mental health, too.
🔹 Suppressing yourself to survive the workplace, the family dinner, the everyday microaggressions? That builds up anxiety and depression over time.
🔹 And let’s be real—if you spend your entire day pretending to be someone else, how do you think that affects how you show up sexually, emotionally, and spiritually in your own relationships?
So, What’s the Move?
I’m not here to tell you what to do. Only you can decide how you want to navigate this world.
Maybe you show up as authentic as possible, whenever possible.
Maybe you turn it down just enough to get where you need to go, then unleash when the time is right.
Maybe you’re still figuring out what authenticity even looks like for you.
But don’t ever believe that authenticity comes without consequences—because it doesn’t. The question is, are you willing to accept them?
Let’s talk about it. Have you ever experienced consequences—good or bad—for showing up as your authentic self? Drop a comment below.
And remember: Discourse, not disrespect.
