Why Self-Esteem Isn’t Self-Taught—And How Black Women Can Reclaim It

Hey sunshine. Uh, I was first approached to write a book about self esteem in 2020. The folk who asked me thought that I would be perfect to write a book on self esteem because apparently they had been stalking my Instagram feed. I'll be honest, it never occurred to me to write a book on self esteem until I was asked.

But when I was asked, it felt like a duh moment. It was the feeling of of course you should write a book on self esteem. What have you been waiting for? Well, I guess I was waiting to be asked. Maybe to be seen. Maybe to know that someone wanted my thoughts on something more than just a simple IG post.

If you don't know, I'm a sex and relationship therapist by profession. I have focused on the mental and sexual health of Black women Since before my PhD was done in 2016. I've been speaking about colorism and texturism's impact on mental and sexual health. Talking about sexuality is so much part of my core that sometimes I forget how much it is also mired in self esteem, AKA the relationships we have with ourselves when I really think about it.

I've been wondering about Black women's self esteem and the connection to sexuality since sometime in 28 2008. But um, that was back when I was an undergrad at Morgan State University. Since then I've only continued to research, read, learn and now teach through therapy, workshops and writing. What I've really learned is that self esteem is not self taught.

What I've learned is that the relationship we have with ourselves also impacts how we experience ourselves and the world around us. In this book, I hope to help Black women see that we inherited a type of self esteem that doesn't belong to us. I hope that people will see how they are not individual failures for not having great self esteem.

Not when there is reinforcement out there in these streets. I want folks to take accountability but not assign themselves blame. And to be quite honest, this book, like much of what I do, is motivated somewhat by my selfishness for selfish reasons. I love Black women. I like to say that I know dope people and if this book can help more Black women fall deeper in love with themselves, recognize and share their dopeness.

Who am I not to benefit? I'm, um. All. I'm. I am all about benefiting from the dopeness of black women and from what they create from clothes to products to simply teaching about life or living without dimming our light at the end of the day, I benefit from that.

Hella selfish? Yeah. But also when we live in our light. Others are touched by it. So also selfless, right? Huh? Maybe, Uh, a little bit. I truly hope that you not only enjoy the book, but that you also get something from it. I hope that you learn some, that you unlearn some BS and heal at least a bit.

It would honor me to be a small part of your journey. Thank you for taking the time to listen, and I look forward to hearing what you think. Bye.